People’s Republic of Korea Wins Defense of the Elderly Championship, Supreme Leader MVP

by Warren Peace

According to Korean Central News Agency, The People’s Republic of Korea’s (North Korea) Nuclear Soliders has won the “Defense of the Elderly” 2017 International. While it is uncertain what this means, many speculate it is a translation error, and they mean the popular Defense of the Ancients 2 (DOTA) MOBA. The News Agency praised the team, as well as their “Complete and utter annihilation of the corrupt and incompetent US teams Cloud9 and Evil Geniuses.”

The story went on to note that King Jong Un was dubbed the MVP for his “amazing coaching” and “inspirational leadership.” The news agency also labelled the Nuclear Soldiers as “one of the great patriots serving the Supreme Leader and demonstrating yet again the inspirational undertakings that the 21st Century Army of Korea can do to destroy not only the lives of the enemy, but also their hearts and spirits.”

Final score had the “Nuclear Soliders” at a perfect winning streak, and the final match between the North Korean Team and Evil Geniuses was reportedly 139 kills NS to 0 kills EG.

Experts believe this is pure propaganda citing, among other things, the history of the Korean Central News Agency to function as propaganda, the miss-titling of the game, the lack of any known North Korean teams, and the announcement being made at least 3 months after the The International 2017 for DOTA 2. When asked for comment an Evil Geniuses spokesperson remarked, “In what fantasy does North Korea even have enough computers to field a team, much less win anything?” He did respond wistfully, “I do wish we could say we made it to the Grand Finals though…”

When actual 2017 Grand Champions, Team Liquid, was asked for comment the only reply was an e-mail that said, “LOL.”