Random Writings

Exclusive Most Indie Games are Trash

by JK Guise

We have all been witness to the anger inducing rage that is Cup Head, the humor that was Undertale, or the amazing return to 2D platforming that was Shovel Knight. Given these amazing experiences, and the sometimes outright disregard AAA publishers have for their fans, many have hailed the Indie game industry as our salvation. And we at the Daily Rager were in agreement, until we made a startling discovery: most Indie games are pretty bad.

It all started when the writing staff went through a mandated play through of the Editor’s Favorite games. His opinion not withstanding, Skylight Freerange 2: Gachduine was terrible. (And your paycheck may be withstanding -ed). While there were no fatalities, writer P.N. Guinn was admitted to the hospital for suicidal thoughts, and Ho Lee Hiel has taken a leave of absence due to emotional trauma.

This got us thinking, what if other indie games were bad? What we uncovered has resulted in a few other leave of absences, and significant psychological trauma.

Our poor writing staff suffered through bugs so bad that rocks bled, graphic cards sputtered, and our characters were murdered by the very air they breathed. We slogged our way through level designs so redundant, we began to fall asleep while playing. Our brains shut down as we read walls and walls of text with grammatical and spelling errors that would make a kindergarten teacher weep (kind of like being an editor. -ed).

No, friends. Stay close to those gems you have found. Do not think just because Doki Doki Literature was so creative and good that means Indie games are holy grails. In fact, mostly they are trash. And we curse the day we walked down this path.

Academics Launch into Study to Explore how Video Games Let Players Do Things and How that Fits into Society

High academics is known for its numerous contributions to our body of knowledge. Whether it’s discovery of subatomic particles, development of revolutionary understandings of the human body and resulting medicines, or the advent of the very thing that allows you to read this high quality news publication, the world of academic research has created numerous benefits for humanity. It is therefore, with great excitement, the Daily Rager seeks to introduce you to the work of Daniel Muriel and Garry Crawford.

This exciting new paper studies the concept of “agency” or “A thing or person that acts to produce a particular result.” This new and exciting paper attempts to improve our ” understanding of video game player agency and, moreover, argues that video games provide an important example and perspective to consider the contemporary nature and political basis of agency.” Never before have people drawn the parallels between what players do in games how it fits into a broader political narrative.

While this study is not the first to use out side models, such a feminist theory, to look at video games, this is the first to attempt it through the lens of actor–network theory, (neo-)Foucauldian governmentality studies. While some have questioned using various “theories” of society and their standing as reputable science, we at the Daily Rager cannot think of anything we would rather see than having academics write up articles regarding how gamers can do things with characters in games.

News Report- Slavery Promoted by Video Game Franchise

The following is being reported by Fox News:

It’s a game featuring fun kids, exploration, adorable creatures…and gladiatorial combat. Such is the world of Pokemon Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon discovered by Fox’s under cover research. Join us as we continue Fox’s great tradition of hard hitting, authoritative gaming journalism.

You may remember the characters of “Ash” and “Pikachu” that your children watched when they were younger, you may have even helped them purchase the game. However, an undercover investigation by Fox News shows a hidden underbelly to this children’s game.

Near the beginning the game with you choose your Pokemon, and we chose the Popplio, seal that looks like a clown. The player is immediately confronted by Hau, a rival who challenges you to a duel. While violent enough, our source was horrified to find that it was not a physical round of a childhood brawl, but what basically amounted to a dogfight. The player threw the creatures in and cheered them on to brutally beat one another.

The game proceeds with you fighting wild animals and other people’s pokemons. Throughout you are urged to capture wild animals and force them to fight further fights. If you do not force these creatures to fight, you are stuck. If you do not enslave new pokemon, you will ultimately start losing. It’s a stark world in which children are indoctrinated early to use animals as slaves and combatants.

And slavery it is. It is clear through the games media that many, if not all, pokemon are intelligent. From a talking cat, to complex emotions, to human reasoning, it is clear that Pokemon are both self aware and intelligent. And yet the series glorifies those that are able to push their creatures further and further into combat effectiveness.

To be fair, the series attempts to gloss over the issue by emphasizing the “love” and “connection” between trainer and pokemon. Which is, of course, normal attempts by many slaveholders to hold out carrots instead of sticks. Yet, no one can fail to realize that this game is basically a “children’s game” bent on glorifying the dog fight, cock fight, and gladiatorial combat.

Shame on you Nintendo, shame!

Flamers and Trolls actually make games better

by J.K. Guise

A new analysis by a researcher has determined that trolls and flamers actually make games better, per CNN. The study, commissioned by a cadre of gamers including Stephen Cebula, Dunkey, and Ricky aims to counter a prevailing opinion in gaming community that trolls and flamers should be punished and excluded from gaming. Proponents of this study aim to show the larger community how they contribute and should be considered heroes to the community.

“In certain cases, the companies also benefit,” stated one participant, “As that’s what makes games fun and it draws in more people. The company sells more stuff, it’s a win-win!”

The study followed 20 gamers over multiple platforms and followed their behavior that varies from trolling their team, trolling enemy team, or flaming. Players that were part of troll games over all showed higher propensity to win games. As one example cites, “In a CS:GO competitive game, one team mate trolled his team, throwing the game to the enemy. At the end, a majority of participants stated the game helped their standing overall.”

A critic of the study pointed out that this poll was not very helpful, stating “You poll 10 players after a troll. The troll says he has fun, the four on his team state it was not helpful and they lost standing. Meanwhile the other side may say they weren’t having fun, but the question is worded to say ‘was this match overall helpful to you?’ and if they’re honest, it’s a free win, so yes it is. 6 v 4 it’s “helpful”.”

Researchers defended their methodology and called the critic a, “baby-a** preschooler who needs to grow up and deal with reality, and not be such a retarded f****t.” One researcher added that the critic should “get cancer, as should his family.” Other statements made are not suitable for publication.

Leaked: Game Developers Creating Game that is more than 90% DLC

by P.N. Guinn

A leaked memo indicates that a large game publisher is considering releasing a game with the intention of making 90% of the game DLC only. Apparently the game design features a first level as a tutorial, ending as a “boss fight” and credits roll. While the game will function this way at release, apparently the intent is to release a DLC to “expand” the game within 2 to 5 days of its release. The memo says, “While we anticipate some backlash, the intent is to make an apology and then quickly release DLC. Marketing and PR have already decided that we will explained that due to overtime costs, extra work, and other issues, we are forced to charge $0.99 for the expansion.”

The memo continues to elucidate a timetable of 3 to 6 months of semi-weekly DLC releases, all but a smattering to be charged for. “In initial release we will announce further plans of expansion in order to ‘enhance user experience. Second DLC will be free, but mainly a luxury item gain. The next will be planned at $1.99 and future will go between $2.99 and $4.99.” Later the memo discusses the PR aspects, “Again, backlash is anticipated, but given past consumer behavior, short term sales will be hindered but long term sales are not expected to be effected.”

Elsewhere the memo discusses way to make sales more obscured from actual cash value through the purchase of “points, credits or some other tokens.” It continues, “this has the effect of insulating consumers from the emotional effect of purchasing the DLC by adding distribution steps.”

Unfortunately the name of the company and name of the game in question is redacted from the memo. When the Daily Rager questioned executives of various companies. Activision Blizzard source stated, “That’s a fascinating idea we would explore, but I cannot comment on whether that is our product or not.”

An individual working at Take2 stated that, “I cannot confirm or deny we are currently engaged in a product that resembles this memo, but we will be looking into the details and models of sales that take place.”

A high level executive from Electronics Arts said, “Hell of an idea, but I can’t say whether it’s from us or not.”

Editor’s Choice of Favorite Games for Every Year I’ve Been Alive

So, I, the Editor of The Daily Rager, saw an interesting project by the Well-Red Mage wherein he lists his favorite video game for every year he has been alive. In the spirit of comradeship and interest in the concept, I am listing mine:

1982- E.T. for Atari 2600, obviously starts this list. As an ’82er how could I not love one of the greatest games of all time? Cool movie tie in, awesome game play, and totally intuitive controls to hover straight up, just like in the movie!

1983- Kool-Aid- man again for the Atari 2600. You could get this gem free with 125 UPCs. Forget Donkey Kong Jr, that’s some second level platforming, Kool-Aid-Man is where it is AT!

1984- Dimension X, Atari- You may not realize this, but THIS is where it all started: Marketing of false promises. There’s even non-game content on the box! This begins the relationship that I, with my battered spouse syndrome, come to expect from my Video Game marketing. It shows how much they love me.

1985- 10 Yard Fight- You see, we had football games, but they were ugly. This was much pretteier. And if there’s one thing being a gamer has taught me: pretty trumps game play.

1986- Donkey Kong Jr. Math– This was the first time there was an educational game I got that was “fun” I know it was fun because I was told so, and that I loved to play games and learn at the same time. I’ll admit it was not quite as good as Funnel and Buckets, which was released in 1984 and not quite as good as teaching me how to take a lie like a man, because DKJ Math never punished me for doing well.

1987- Leisure Suit Larry the Land of the Lounge Lizards for the PC- it had to be awesome, as my parents yelled at me for even asking about it.

1988- Dragon Lance: Heroes of the Lance for NES- Man games have tried to truly capture joy of table top RPG. None have succeeded as well as this game. Blew Pool of Radiance OUT OF THE WATER!

1989-John Elway’s Quarterback for the NES- Some of you poor saps got Tecmo Bowl, we got this, and we were better. Horse-Face-John taught me that games were better if you have a celebrity on the front of it.

1990- The Adventures of Gilligan’s Island (NES) I was to young to know the show, but my parents got it for me because they liked the show when they were little. The treasure of those memories is amazing.

1991- Bible Adventures (NES)We didn’t get Leisure Suit Larry, but we did get power lifter Noah holding 8 animals on his head. Plus you could be Moses’ sister and throw him for being that jerk he was going to be, yucking it up in the palace while you were a slave and then allowing you to get leprosy because you don’t like his second wife.

1992- Home Alone 2 for the Game Boy! Woo, a movie tie in. No matter what, these are always awesome. It was so like the movie too.

1993- Link: Faces of Evil Philip CDi- cause this was the best named game ever! Instant Zelda classic. You absolutely are missing out of if you have never played this.

1994-Hotel Mario for the Phillips CDi Such an amazing game. It’s really sad and hard to understand why the Phillips CDi didn’t have much success.

1995-The Itchy and Scratch Game– An SNES classic bringing you your favorite part of the Simpsons.

1996- Busby 3D of the Playstation- Oh yeah, most awesome control set ever. Think you know platforming? Well forget everything you knew!

1997- Daikatana. I’m sure it was this year, after all I checked my date book and it said clearly it was coming out in December 97.

1998- Daikatana– Wait, my old calendar said it was in 98. Just kidding. This was the game of the year here.

1999- Dai…just kidding, it’s Superman 64! BEST GAME EVER! The flying was top notch. The missions exciting. And you totally had super level power!

2000- Daikatana. Here we go, I found the receipt. This is the right year. It’s awesome, lives up to all the dreams we ever had of it. Totally worth 4 years wait.

2001- The Simpsons Wrestling for Play Station. Oh yeah, Best. Fighter. Ever!

2002- Hooter’s Road Trip– Racing, adult, er, maybe junior high level version of adult gaming? This is a rarely known gem.

2003- Aquaman Battle for Atlantis– Best superhero, Check! Best Interface-Check! The game of early 2000s.

2004- Drake of the 99 Dragons X-Box Original Game (OG)- It’s got guns, dragons (99 of them!) and everything that says “AWESOME!’

2005- Crime Life: Gang Wars– for the PS2- Now this was the game you wished GTA San Andreas was. Totally genre definer here.

2006- Sonic the Hedgehog for the X-Box 360- Sick game play, crazy amazing story line. And don’t get me started about the bestiality…totally will get you going, amiright?

2007- Limbo of the Lost (PC) This beauty took all the art and music that I loved from The Elder Scrolls, Unreal Tournament, Beetlejuice, Spawn and many other games and movies and combined it with one of the greatest adventure games of the early 2000s.

2008- My Aquarium (Wii)- Tamaguchi for the Wii. Yeah, it’s about 8 years to late, but still, who did not love a virtual pet that took real time and effort for no real love and affection?

2009- Tony Hawk Ride for the Wii- OMG, these games were always good but this? This gives you the skate board to actually ride! I’m sure it’d have been better if I didn’t have the coordination of a drunken sloth.

2010- Prison Break the Conspiracy– TV Tie in of a show that was great. You know you can’t go wrong.

2011- Postal 3 for the PC – Tasteless, just like the original. People had a hard time appreciating the art that was this game behind the the bugginess, but true fans know how great it is.

2012- Call of Duty: Blacks Ops Declassified for the PS Vita- Oh, freaking, yeah. Best CoD ever, and on a the portable PSVita even! Multiplayer was awesome, no having the track down enemies, you spawned and there they were right in front of you!

2013- Barbie Dream House Party for the WiiU- Minigames based on a web series of my… daughter’s favorite toy? What’s not to live!

2014- Godzilla for the PS4- Woot, the monster reins! State of the art graphics, gameplay that never gets boring, which is good, because it repeats itself so much!

2015- Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 5 for the PS4- You know, these games never get old. It’s not quite as awesome as Ride, but still, the old game you loved way back when, just like it always was!

2016- Cartoon Network Battle Crashers for the Switch- the characters look like CN characters you love! It’s a beatem up, and those NEVER get old!

2017- Skylight Freerange 2: Gachduine – Indy game at its finest. You guys wasted your life on Cuphead and you could have played this. What is wrong with you?

New Study Find it Truly is All Your Your Team Mates’ Fault

By Warren Piece

A new study released by Arizona Polytechnical University has finally verified what you knew was true all along, those losses were due to your dumb as rocks team mates. Through an in depth analysis of replays, aggregated data and interviews, it is clear you really are better than your win rate suggests. “I mean, you told them all along,” says head researcher, Dr. R.C. Kola, “but now you have science to show them.”

Going in depth, it looks like that time you flamed Mercy for resurrecting the others rather than just heal you while you went in 4 v 2, was totally on target. She could have saved the match. But no, she completely screwed that one over.

And that game of DOTA where the Shadow fiend never roamed? Yeah you were right. If he had, you’d have totally beat down their team.

You remember that Star Craft game way back when? You were totally asking for help when you go Zerg Rushed, and the noob Protoss wouldn’t empty his base to rescue yours. Sure he had some humans harassing him, but he could totally javelin handled that with turrets.

And don’t get us started on that idiot heavy who expected you to heal him while he rushed the enemy. Served him right for going in without asking you if you were ready.

So, next time you lose, let your team know how they screwed you over. Science proves you’re right, and they won’t get better idea you don’t tell them.

EXCLUSIVE: One Development Team makes 80% of Mobile Games

by P.N. Guinn

Much has been said about mobile gamers within the mobile gaming community. As startling discovery has been made regarding mobile games. In our indepth research, it has been discovered that 4 out of 5 mobile games are all made by the same development team.

Many have noticed the similarity between various games in the industry. However, it was previously assumed this was due to poaching on concepts and ideas. However, the Daily Rager has uncovered that one team of developers has made 80% of mobile games since at least 2014.

“It’s really quite simple,” our anonymous source told us, “They simply come up with a new idea to milk micro-transaction and pitch it to the various development studios. The development studios contract them to do all the footwork, and then rake in the dough. Heck, most mobile game studios are really just a marketing team with a director and some contract QA staff.” According to multiple sources the team does not do remakes of classic games.

We were given a card for the development team, and when we called the number the voice mail said, “This is Scott, if you want a base builder, hack in slash, or tower defense leave a message and tell me what era and whether you want realistic, gritty or cartoony. If you want a match 3, farm, or runner just text me. If you want to get on our list for new ideas, please e-mail your application to…” At the time of publishing “Scott” had not returned our phone call.

Console Wars Spill Over and Begin World War 3

http://thepitmedia.com/2014/03/12/bottom-line-console-wars/

In a stunning turn of events, the Console Wars have rapidly evolved into
World War 3 following a speech by Russian President Vladimir Putin. During
his speech, given to the State Duma, the lower house of the Russian
legislature, Putin stated, “We clearly recognize that Russia’s sovereignty,
traditions and strength are best exemplified by the Play Station 4.
Therefore, the Russian Federation hereby declares it to be the greatest
video game console in the world and call upon the Duma and the Federation
Council to outlaw the inferior X-Box One, which is the creation of
subversive American interests.”

U.S. President Donald Trump promptly tweeted, “Putin says PS4 is best,
everyone know that American made XBOX1 is best and he’s a nobody putting it
on to say he’s somebody. SAD!” The US House of Representative passed a
resolution condemning Russia and demanding the XBOX1 be given proper parity
in the Russian Federation. A similar bill stalled in committee in the US
Senate, due to threatened filibuster unless it contained language endorsing
immigration reform.

While diplomatic posturing is normal, what caught both countries by surprise
was the sudden up swelling of rage on the parts of X-Box and Play Station
fans. Riots and street fights immediately swarmed the streets, with
participants wearing various Red, White and Blue Xbox gear or PS4 gear over
White Blue and Red. The situation quickly devolved as embassies in various
countries were overwhelmed with fans from various countries petitioning for
visas to support their favored game system countries.

As tensions escalated, the two heads of state met to attempt to settle
things down. However, that hit a snag when competing delegations from Japan
arrived, one supporting Russia and a minority representative demanding equal
respect for the Nintendo Switch arrived. The minority delegation also had
support of a representative from the European Union, demanding the Switch
Delegation have a seat at the table. This through the meeting into a furor.

The final straw happened when, just when things were calming down, the
computers at the meeting were all simultaneously over-ridden to display-
“You will all bow down to the PC Master Race!” While no one is certain,
this is hack is believed to have origins in South Korea or China.

Russians, Europeans, Japanese and Americans are all accusing each other of
starting it, but ultimately all parties called upon their armed forces to
begin launching attacks in retaliation for “lack of respect and
acknowledgement of superior graphics, performance and/or game library.” As
of this writing, all citizens are ordered to take their game consoles and
hide in shelters while awaiting the inevitable nuclear strikes.

Old Guys Try to Cash in on the e-Sports Thing

by J.K. Guise

In a nod to the fact that this is now the 21st Century, it appears that a large group of old guys have noticed eSports. “You know, we realized we were selling stuff to get lazy kids to pay us for soccer, but we found there’s even a esports thing going on,” said one Council member.

When asked why FIFA would bid it out to television, the council member replied, “Where else you going to watch this stuff?”

When it was explained that most people watch esports via streaming the council member laughed, “Yeah, my good friend told me about that stream stuff on the internet. Bunch of waste of time. Besides, overpriced contracts are how real sports sell, why work for some twist.tv stuff?”

When interviewed, BBC already were planning to bid £500,00, though were hesitant to consider anything higher. “I mean, why? Who watches that stuff anyway?”

An ESPN executive on the other hand related during a drunken bragging session at the bar, “Well, we think we can get it for $300 million, but we’d go up to $500.”

However, when the gaming community was asked, multiple members were skeptical to amused. “Why the f*** would I go pay for cable to watch something I can watch on Twitch?” was one of the more charitable comments made.

Whatever the reasoning and outcome, the Daily Rager eagerly awaits to see how FIFA and TV Broadcasters deal with the idea that video gamers are professional athletes.