Meet Michael Summer, a man who is passionate about charity. Unfortunately, Michael has run afoul with the law in his passion and is facing felony possession of a controlled substance charges. Additionally, Michael is perhaps is a little confused to boot.
“It all started when I heard about speed running and some event called AGDQ2018,” Michael tells us in an interview after posting bail. “I hear they are doing something for cancer, and I’m like ‘I hate cancer, and I like running!'” He shrugs, and then clasps his twitching hands.
What happened next was, to say the least, a strange turn of events. “So, I figure, hey, I can do speed running for fighting cancer. That’s cool. Only issue was, I never knew how to get Speed…you know, so I could speed run,” Michael says, while glancing around nervously and picking impulsively at his shirt. At this stage he starts sweating a little. “But I got a buddy, see, who’s in college, right. He tells me, ‘Hey man, see a doctor and tell them you can’t focus, get distracted all the time and they’ll give you some.’ But
I’m like, ‘I don’t like to doctors.’ So he tells me he knows a guy.”
While Michael was a little concerned meeting the guy in public, $50 later he
had a supply of amphetamines.
“So I take two, and start running. And I run, and I run,” Michael says, his eyes looking a little wild, “I get home and clean the house then decide, to hell with this. I pop 3 more then going running again.”
Michael slams his hands down and says, “It was going great, I speed running the f*** out of cancer, and then some guy cuts me off and walking slow. So, I told him off. I might have threatened him, I don’t know.” At this point, our interviewer signals a waiter in the restaurant that he’d like the check, and perhaps the police. Michael continues, yelling now, eyes wide, “So he gets an attitude, yelling at me about being pushy, so I punch him. Next thing I know I’m being arrested. I have my bottle with, like, 2 more pills and they just take them. I need those to finish my speed run!”
Fortunately, the police showed up at this point. A few more screams, and Michael was taken down. We will send him the link to AGDQ2018 so he can learn more about what speed running actually is, and hopefully help fight cancer…if he has any money left after paying his bail, lawyer and dealer.
Editor’s Note: Michael is getting evaluated for treatment, and you should really think about donating to the AGDQ fundraiser for the Prevent Cancer Foundation.
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