New Battlefield set to have Improved Game Experience Unlockables

EA has announced that the next installment of their ever popular Battlefield will feature the ability to unlock, for a very small fee, extra features in their game. “You’ll totally be able to play it all the way through without it, but if you want, I don’t know, a cool heat sinking rocket launcher, improved tactical gear, or any automatic weapons, it’ll be available for just a small transaction cost,” a spokesman for EA stated. “We are excited at such an amazing opportunity this innovation creates for our players.”

When asked about the limited player experience, the spokesperson stated, “Well, all pistols are totally unlocked from the very beginning. And, with our new added system of Duty Chits, you can unlock most every weapon and piece of gear on your own.” The spokesperson also confirmed that this extended to both online and single player missions. There was no comment on the length of time that was expected to take to unlock items.

“Basically, it’s our best idea ever,” said a Visceral Games executive, who is expected to do a significant amount of the development, in an off the record discussion. “EA loves it, so we all get fat bonuses. We may even let the testing monk-er…quality assurance people have a pizza or something. Probably something cheap, like Little Caesars.”

Within 12 seconds of the announcement, Reddit had down voted the announcement 1.4 million times, a new record.