by Huma Niety
The Daily Rager has discovered that the ground breaking RTS video game StarCraft has an underlying subtext woven into the game. According to our sources, Chris Metzen one of the games creators conceived of it after a night of drunken revelry with co-creator, James Phinney, and Mr. Metzen began calling video game giant, Electronics Arts (EA), a “piece of s*** plague on the gaming world, consuming and creating monsters out of those it consumes. Mr. Phinney agreed, and they raged about how the only thing stopping it was the beautiful and powerful work of Blizzard Entertainment.
The next day, after recovering from a rather huge hangover, the two looked at some note scrawled on the back of a pizza box about the horrible monsters, the heroic opponents, and cobbled together group not quite as good as the other two, it hit the men that they had a great basis for a video game. And the rest, as they say, was history. As anyone who is anyone knows, StarCraft is one of the greatest video games ever created, and anyone who disagrees can go take a long walk off a short pier.
When asked for comment, a Blizzard spoke person said, “We can neither confirm nor deny how the creative process of Mr Phinney and some guy worked. That said, if that were true, obviously Blizzard would be the Protoss because we are awesome.” An off the record interview with an employee also stated that Blizzard got the idea for Dragoons from its own practice of hooking employees up to life support equipment in their cubicle in order to ensure games are completed in no more than 3 years past their release date.
When asked for a comment from EA, a senior official stated demonization of his company was uncalled for. They were a loving company that cared for the gaming industry and nurtured it. He further added that he would love to see the whole of the gaming industry fall under EA’s “benevolent rule”, calling EA a “family that loves one another.” He then signed orders close developer BioWare and called a consultant about exploring options to buy Obsidian Entertainment.
Random Writings 